Top Tips For Separated Families at Christmas

On the first day of Christmas…………A Partridge in a Pear Tree

Parents often find it helpful for them, their children and their extended family and friends, if they are able to establish arrangements for the care of their children over Christmas and festive period.

Making arrangements in advance, avoiding leaving discussions until last minute, often reduces pressure, stress, emotions and disputes for parents and their children.

On the second day of Christmas……….Two Turtle Doves and a Partridge in a Pear Tree

Making Christmas arrangements for the festive period can be difficult, tricky and emotional.

For arrangements to well for both parents and their children can be hard.

It can be helpful for parents to make suggestions between them, which offer flexibility and are comfortable to them both……and enjoyable for the children.

  Consider all the ways in which children can spend time with both their parents and extended families including spending time with them, the use of the telephone, email, using Skype/Face Time/ video calling.

Consider all the ways it maybe possible for a child to spend time with the other parent or extended family including, in public, mutually agreed family members or house.

On the third day of Christmas……….Three French Hens, Two Turtle Doves and a Partridge in a Pear Tree

Try to listen to all suggestions that are put forward.

  If you are not sure you understand the proposed arrangements …… ask for clarification. Unintentional misunderstandings often cause the greatest upset and frustration.

On the fourth day of Christmas……………..Four Calling Birds, Three French Hens, Two Turtle Doves and a Partridge in a Pear Tree

Ask yourself, how you might respond to the proposals made and share the reasons as to why you are making alternatives.

On the fifth day of Christmas……………….Five Golden Rings, Four Calling Birds, Three French Hens, Two Turtle Doves and a Partridge in a Pear Tree

Asking the other parent if they have a preference, when they are available and what other commitments they may have could result in you identifying arrangements that work for everybody.

Communication between you is important. There are lots of ways that this can be done.

On the sixth day of Christmas…………Six Geese a Laying, Five Golden Rings, Four Calling Birds, Three French Hens, Two Turtle Doves and a Partridge in a Pear Tree

When considering the arrangements try to imagine what they will mean in reality for your child/children.

 Will they have enough time to play with their presents?

Will they want to take their presents between each parent’s home?

 Will they be able or will they want to eat two Christmas dinners in one day?

What time will they get up? Go to Bed?

Are they expecting Santa Claus/ Father Christmas to have visited each parent on Christmas eve or on other days?

On the seventh day of Christmas……………Seven Swans a Swimming, Six Geese a Laying, Five Golden Rings, Four Calling Birds, Three French Hens, Two Turtle Doves and a Partridge in a Pear Tree

When considering timings over the festive period, try to consider how they will work in practice on the day taking into consideration availability of public transport, bed times/ get ups and lunch and the transport available to each parent when.

 Timings and travel arrangements can often cause frustrations.

On the eighth day of Christmas…………….. Eight Maids a Milking, Seven Swans a Swimming, Six Geese a Laying, Five Golden Rings, Four Calling Birds, Three French Hens, Two Turtle Doves and a Partridge in a Pear Tree

If a suggestion is not workable, say why it doesn’t work and  suggest an alternative wherever possible.

On the ninth day of Christmas ………..Nine Ladies Dancing, Eight Maids a Milking, Seven Swans a Swimming, Six Geese a Laying, Five Golden Rings, Four Calling Birds, Three French Hens, Two Turtle Doves and a Partridge in a Pear Tree

 If you establish arrangements, as parents, ask extended family and friends, to respect your joint decision making, as parents, reminding everyone that these have been agreed for the children`s benefit.

 Ask for their support to help ensure the arrangements are workable.

On the tenth day of Christmas…..Ten Lords a Leaping, Nine Ladies Dancing, Eight Maids a Milking, Seven Swans a Swimming, Six Geese a Laying, Five Golden Rings, Four Calling Birds, Three French Hens, Two Turtle Doves and a Partridge in a Pear Tree

Acknowledge that as parents, you are both entitled to adult time, as well as the children having fun time with each of you!

 It is ok to ensure you each have time with the children and also for yourselves.

Setting out clear plans help you achieve this for each household.

On the eleventh day of Christmas…………….Eleven Pipers Piping, Ten Lords a Leaping, Nine Ladies Dancing, Eight Maids a Milking, Seven Swans a Swimming, Six Geese a Laying, Five Golden Rings, Four Calling Birds, Three French Hens, Two Turtle Doves and a Partridge in a Pear Tree

Mark agreed arrangements on a calendar, enter reminders in your phone.

Stick to what has been agreed! This will help rebuild trust between you as parents.

On the twelfth day of Christmas……..12 Drummers Drumming, Eleven Pipers Piping, Ten Lords a Leaping, Nine Ladies Dancing, Eight Maids a Milking, Seven Swans a Swimming, Six Geese a Laying, Five Golden Rings, Four Calling Birds, Three French Hens, Two Turtle Doves and a Partridge in a Pear Tree

Lastly…. but definitely not least DO NOT give up. If you are having difficulties and can`t seem to find an acceptable solution, contact us to discuss how Mediation may be able to help you and your family.

We are able to offer Free Mediation to those who are eligible for Publically Funded Mediation and the Family Mediation Council’s Voucher Scheme.

 01623 706020.

WE ARE HERE TO HELP SEPARATED FAMILIES.

These services are subject to availability and the criteria determined by the Family Mediation Council and Legal Aid Agency not ourselves